


Around and Around the Cuckoo Nest

by Hailey1203



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2013-03-15
Updated: 2013-04-26
Packaged: 2017-12-05 09:24:57
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 7
Words: 7,058
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/721468
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Hailey1203/pseuds/Hailey1203
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>This is a One Direction fanfic. </p><p>The boys had never auditioned for the X Factor, but through the course of a series of unfortunate events and mental disorders, the boys will meet.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This is just the prolog. The back stories before the boys meet each other.

Faggot. Dirty. Sand Monkey. Terrorist. 9/11 is your fault. The words of his peers raced through the mind of 17 year old Zayn Malik as he stared at himself in the mirror. He traced a finger over the bruises forming on his arms and face. Zayn was one of very few students who weren’t white, but no one else got bullied like this. No one has a reason to hate someone from Brazil, or Africa. They hadn’t done anything wrong. Today had been worse than usual. There we’re more of them today, he couldn’t defend himself, and it had seemed like hours before they finally let him go. But this had been going on for months, ever since they had moved to this new place. Now, he sat at home, in the laundry room mentally cursing his parents for his ethnicity. It wasn’t his fault his mother had married a Pakistani, why the fuck should he have to suffer for it? Zayn knew what he had to do. “I just want to be like everyone else” he whispered to himself as he unscrewed the cap. “I just want to be white”. Without hesitation, he took a big gulp of the liquid. Zayn grimaced and whimpered slightly, feeling it burn his throat before he set down the bottle of bleach and closed his eyes. 

*

“I’m gonna pop some tags, only got twenty dollars in my pocket” Harry Styles sang as he drove his new car home. He had been saving up for months to buy this car, and all the extra work had paid off. He had recently turned 16 and had gotten his license a few days later. The freedom of being able leave that shithole he called home was overwhelming. The screaming fights, the drinking, the abuse. No more did he have to cower in fear as his drunken step dad got closer and closer to him, belt in hand, while his mom watched silently. Harry didn’t have to sit through it anymore, he was free to come and go as he pleased. Grinning, he looked down to change the radio station; some new Taylor Swift song had come on. Looking up, Harry barely had time to react, and not near enough time to stop, before he collided with a woman and a teenage boy crossing the street. The last thing Harry remembered was the look of complete panic in the young boy’s eyes before everything went black.

*

Niall cursed as he heard the familiar shrill beeping of his alarm. It was 7:32. The same time the 17 year old Irish boy woke up every morning. Reaching over, Niall tapped his dresser three times with the tip of his middle finger before turning the alarm off. He stretched and rose out of bed, rubbing the sleep from his eyes as he walked towards the bathroom he shared with the others. It was his third day here in this new foster home, and so far the others wanted nothing to do with him. He heard the little ones whispering about how strange he was, but Niall was used to this. It happened in every home he went to. He stopped outside the bathroom door, counted to 4, then preceded into the room. Seeing the disarray before him sent shivers through his spine and he started to bounce on the balls of his feet nervously. Looking in the mirror, Niall gasped and started to bounce faster. There was a large purple bruise on his forearm that hadn’t been there yesterday. “No no no. Niall doesn’t like this. No no no” he repeated to himself as he turned the bathroom tap on as hot as it would go. “No no no” he chanted, thrusting his arm under the scalding water. “No no no” he cried, scrubbing furiously at the mark that refused to be washed clean. “No no no” he screamed collapsing to the ground shaking.

*

“Second place isn’t winning Liam. You know that. And you know we expect perfection. You can do better, and you will. Understood?” Liam nodded solemnly at his parents’ words before ending the call and grabbing his books for class. It had been like this for months now, as the only child in the family, his parents expected Liam to do everything to their standards. The mood swings he had been having lately didn’t help either, the 17 year old would go from being perfectly happy and pleasant to be around, to absolutely cold and harsh in a matter of minutes. Thankfully, today was a happy day. Liam felt like he was on top of the world, regardless of the lecture he had received this morning from his parents. Sitting down in art, he smiled at his friend and started to work on the project he had started a few days ago. Snipping colored wire into 3 inch pieces allowed Liam’s mind to wonder as he worked. So what if he wasn’t perfect? He tried his best. Why couldn’t his parents accept that he didn’t want to play the saxophone anymore? Why were they always pressuring him? What had he done to deserve this? As the black cloud slowly took over his mind, Liam started to cut the wire faster, in sloppy, jerky motions. “Is everything ok Liam? Normally your work is steadier than this” The voice of his teacher shattered his thoughts and Liam looked up at him with dark eyes. Before he realized what had happened, Liam stabbed his wire cutters down into his teachers hand, pausing momentarily as the blood spurted up, then turned and ran.

*

Louis looked around nervously as his mother paid for the groceries. He hated being out like this. There were people everywhere, watching him, thinking rude things about him, judging him. Louis knew it. Everyone knew his secrets, everyone knew. The bagboy who had smiled at him was mocking him, the lady at the deli counter who offered him a sample was out to get him. He felt his heart racing and his palms getting clammy. Silently he urged his mother to hurry up. He needed out of here. After what seemed hours, his mother was ready to go. Lifting up over half the groceries, he followed his mother out onto the calm street and headed in the direction of their house. The cool air calmed Louis almost as much as the open space did. Feeling his pulse slow down, he laughed at something his mom said, and adjusted the bags in his hands. His mother was listening to Louis tell a story about a professor at his community college. She turned to look at him as she stepped off the curb, wanted to see how his face lit up as he told this story. She didn't see it. Didn't see the car coming. Didn't see that the car wasn't slowing down. All she saw was the look of panic that cross Louis face.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I promise its gonna get better! I'm just going through the introductions right now :)
> 
> Please comment if you want me!

“Alright Louis, I want you to open your eyes now.” The words were thick, like they were being whispered through the fog. The constant throbbing of his head all but drowned out the words he was hearing. “Louis, it’s time for you to wake up now.” Slowly, Louis opened his eyes, wincing at the way the bright lights hit him. Slowly his eyes adjusted to the bright lights and he could see who was in his room. There was a young lady in scrubs holding a clipboard standing beside him, and a strange man in a white coat standing over him. The realization of where he was swept over him and Louis struggled to rise to his feet. “No no, Louis. You need to stay lying down. There was an accident and you’re in the hospital.”   
“My mom. Where’s my mom?” Louis whispered, his voice dry. What happened? His mom had taken him shopping. There was that awful bagboy, and then they had been walking down the street. The car. There had been a car. Louis pulse started to race as everything came flooding back. The car, the driver that didn’t stop. The look on his moms face. Louis screamed out in tortured anguish before the nurse injected him with something and he fell back into darkness.

*

It had been two months since Louis had been told what had happened to his mother. About how the driver hadn’t been looking, and tried to swerve out of the way last minute, but just didn’t have time. His mother had been killed instantly, while Louis broke his wrist and fractured 4 ribs. The driver in the car had swerved right into a telephone pole and had suffered brain damage. That was all Louis knew about the driver, and he didn’t ask anymore question. The thought of the accident was enough to trigger an anxiety attack, but then again, so were most things these days. That’s why he was here, in this hospital. They called it the Northern Institute for Trouble Youth, but he knew it was a mental hospital. And he knew why he was here. It was because as soon as anything reminded him about the accident it would send Louis into an anxiety attack so severe he couldn’t always control his actions. They found this out on the day the doctors told him what happen, and Louis had started shaking so bad that he had to be restrained as to not hurt himself.  
The people here were nice. In fact, Louis was starting to make friends. The boys here were divided by age, so he was with other 16-18 year old boys. There were 14 of them, and they were divided into groups of 5, or 4 in Louis case. You spent most of your time with your group, you went to group therapy with them, had lunch with them, and spent your free time either in the common room or the gym with them. The first boy Louis had met was a younger boy with a strong Irish accent. He had introduced himself as “Niall Horan. That’s my name. And I'm Irish”. Niall was different, Louis could tell. But fuck, weren’t they all in this place? Niall would always stop and pause before walking into a room. And had a habit of calling out what other people were feeling. Niall had followed his introduction with “And you’re unsure about me,” then had walked away.  
Zayn was the next person Louis had been introduced to. Louis had sat next to him on the couch after dinner, trying to meet the boys he would be spending the next months with. “Hey man. I’m Louis” he managed with a small smile. His introduction was met with an awkward silence as the younger boy did nothing more than glance in Louis’ direction. “Um. Hey?” Louis tried again, but was once more ignored.  
“This is Zayn! He doesn’t talk much, especially not to new people. But don’t worry he warms up eventually! I’m Liam by the way” The broad shouldered boy sitting on the chair closest to the couch leaned forward and offered his hand. Smiling, Louis took it and replied “Louis. Nice to meet you!”  
“So Louis, you just got here right?”  
“Yup, a couple of weeks ago. But they had put me in a solitary for the first few weeks, ya know, make sure I wasn’t gonna go crazy.”  
“Oh man I feel ya, but if anything gonna make us go crazy, it’s that food here! Believe me, it doesn’t get any better” Liam laughed leaning back in his chair. Louis laughed with him; this Liam guy was pretty alright. They talked for a few more minutes before they we’re joined by the Irish boy from earlier. Niall pulled a chair up, making sure it was carefully aligned with the coffee table, tapped the table 3 times with his middle finger, than grabbed the remote. He switched though the channels before finally settling on some action movie. The 4 boys watched as the protagonist and antagonist argued and Niall continuously commented “He’s mad that his girlfriend was killed. He wants to hurt him because he’s sad. Now he’s happy because he’s winning”. As the actors yelled at each other, Louis felt his hands grow clammy and his breathing get labored. “No, not now. Louis, concentrate. Deep breaths” He thought to himself, trying to prevent what was happening. Glancing back at the screen he saw the villain driving a car directly at the main character. Louis mind flashed back to the accident. He could feel the walls closing in on him. This was bad. Very bad. Louis slapped his hands over his ears trying to drown out the sounds of screeching tires that bounced around his head. Hardly able to breath, Louis jumped to his feet and ran to his room, collapsing in choked sobs as he prayed for it to end.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Zayn and Liam!

It was the dead of the night when Zayn crept out of his room and into the common room. He left the lights off, taking solace in the way the darkness enveloped him. He sat down on the couch, his head heavy in his hands. He hadn’t taken his meds today, had hidden them in his cheek, and then spit them out when the nurses weren’t looking. But he was paying for it now. Dark thoughts crisscrossed across his mind. The same ones that had kept him from sleeping tonight. Zayn couldn’t stop thinking about his parent’s reaction when he had woken up in the hospital. How his parents weren’t mad at him for what he had done, they were just sad that Zayn didn’t think he could talk to them. This had hurt Zayn almost as much as the words of his peers; he hated to disappoint his parents. It was the constant feeling of guilt that had driven him to try and commit suicide a second time. That time it had been a razor blade to his wrists. He hadn’t been smart about it though, a steak knife just wasn’t sharp enough to do real damage. But he was still unable to hide the cuts from his parents.

He rubbed his thumb over the ropey scars running up and down his left wrists. What was he gonna do. He wasn’t getting any happier. And that’s why he was here isn’t it? To get happy? Or was he here because they monitored him close enough so that he couldn’t try and kill himself again? Did he still want to die? No one here teased him; he actually got along with some of them. With a sigh and clenched fists he started to rise, only to stop when he heard someone walking towards the common room. Zayn sat back down and tried to blend into the shadows, praying he wouldn’t be seen. A broad shouldered frame filled the doorway, his face hidden by darkness, but the body was a giveaway. Liam. “Zayn, is that you?” The boy in the door whispered.

“Yeah it’s me”  
“What are you doing up so late?”  
“Couldn’t sleep. You?”  
“Same. Mind if I sit down for a bit?”  
“Go ahead.”  
Liam sat down on the other side of the couch, leaning against the arm and facing Zayn.  
“So, what’s keeping you up tonight?”

“I didn’t take my meds tonight. I thought it would be okay without the Zoloft. Turns out I need it more than I thought I did. I’m feeling pretty shaky.”

As the two boys engaged in quiet conversation, Zayn found himself opening up to Liam more than he had to anyone else in years. Something about the younger boy was just so trustworthy. They talked late into the night, sharing stories about how they had ended up here. Zayn told Liam all about the day with the bottle of bleach and how his clouded mind had someone formed the logic that if bleach turned clothes white, it would do the same for him. “I don’t know how I came to that logic, but after months of the constant bullying, I was just done. I was willing to try anything. And I couldn’t talk to my parent about it; they had already done so much for me. My dad worked long hours to keep us all in school and well fed, and my mom was busy raising my 3 sisters and me. But I had to do something, it was like I was suffocating in all the hate I was surrounded in, and I couldn’t take it. I just couldn’t take it.” A tear slowly rolled its way down Zayn’s cheek. Embarrassed, he quickly brushed it off with the back of his hand and looked up at Liam. “So what’s your story?”

“I thought it was just mood swings, I would go from being unbelievably happy, to being angrier than a cornered snake. I stabbed my art teacher with a pair of scissors when he made an offhand comment about my work one day. My parents refused to believe it was just moodiness, their perfect child wasn’t moody. So I spent 4 months seeing a counselor, she was awful though. She would purposely stress me out, just to watch as I shifted. She was no help at all. That’s why my parents sent me here. They couldn’t deal with the fact that their perfect son wasn’t getting any better.”  
The boys sat in silence for a few minutes, contemplating everything that had been said. The silence was comfortable, like that between people who had been friends for years. Over Liam’s shoulder, Zayn could see the first few rays of sun starting to brighten the horizon, ruining the dark solitude the two boys had found themselves in. And unspoken agreement passed between them and they both rose, heading to their respective rooms. As Zayn reached for his door handle, he felt a hand on his shoulder. Turning, he quickly realized how close Liam was to him; there was less than a foot between their faces and Zayn could see the soft stubble that was starting to cover Liam’s strong jaw. He dragged his eyes up to meet Liam’s. “Thank you Zayn.” Liam whispered; hand still on the older boys shoulder. He looked as if he was going to say more, but dropped his eyes and turned to his room. It wasn’t until the door had closed that Zayn realized he had been holding his breath.


	4. Chapter 4

“Harry, you’ve got post-traumatic stress disorder, and memory loss. We can’t just let you go home like this. You need to go somewhere that you’ll get proper treatment to try and piece your life back together. This place is the best of the best, I promise. They’ll help you get your memory back, and get rid of the nightmares”

It had been months since that day, the day that changed Harry’s life forever. Not that he could actually remember what happened. He was told that there had been an accident. He had hit a mother and her teenage son with his car, then ran headfirst into a telephone pole. He was lucky to be alive they said. He wasn’t being charged they said. He would get better they said. But they were wrong. The night terrors weren’t getting any better, if anything they were getting worse. And now they would happen while he was awake as well. The doctors we’re calling them “daymares” and said that it was a completely normal symptom. But the nightmares were by far the worst. The nightmares of tires screeching and piercing blue eyes looking right at him.

“Hi Harry, welcome to ‘the Northern Institute for Trouble Youth’. I’m Margaret and I'm going to be your councilor while you’re here. Anything you need, you come to me k? I’ll take good care of you. Now, there are a few rules we need to go over before I introduce you to the others. First off all, you must take ass prescription drugs assigned to you at the designated time. These are for your benefit and you can’ get better without them. Second, there is a no tolerance policy for any sort of physical violence. This is a peaceful place, and we plan to keep it that way. Last of all, relationships with anyone in this building are strictly forbidden, both with staff and other patience. Is this clear?” 

“Crystal clear!” Was the reply that came, accompanied by Harry’s winning smile. He just wanted to be left alone for a while. This woman’s voice was too loud and she was wearing way too much perfume. The combination was not helping the almost constant headache Harry had dealt with since the accident. “And thank you so much for your help. I appreciate it”. Voice thick with charm, he hoped she would cut this short. “I’d like to go meet the other guys now, seeing as I’ll be spending a lot of time with them for the next little while!”

“Oh of course. Go right ahead, your common room is just through that door. If you need anything, my office is at the end of the hallway, and I should be there most of the time!”  
Taking a deep breathe, Harry stepped through the doors into the big room. There was a pool table on one end, and a flat screen TV with couched and chairs spread around it on the other side. The big windows faced the west, and even though they had bars across them, they let in plenty of light. Other than the barred windows, it just looked like a normal living room. There were three guys sitting on the couches playing some sort of video game, so Harry opted to introduce himself to them first. 

“Hey guys, I’m Harry. I just got here and I guess I'm your new roommate!” The game was paused and the three boys turned to look at the new comer.  
“Hi Harry! I’m Niall!” Saw the boy with spikey bleach blonde hair. “This is Liam and Zayn” Niall moved over to make room for Harry on the couch. The four boys spent a few minutes getting to know each other. Talking about where they were from, what they used to do for fun, the kind of small talk that skirted around the edges of the real questions to be asked. It surprised Harry that none of them asked why he was here. Not that he wanted to talk about it, but he figured they’d be curious. Brushing it off, Harry laughed loudly at a joke Niall had made, something about dumb blondes on an island. It didn’t take long before Harry was joking around with them, they were good guys. A thought crossed his mind as he stretched out on the couch and threw his legs over Nialls lap.  
“Hey guys, I thought there was supposed to be 5 of us in here? Where’s the other one?”

It was Liam that replied “Oh right! Louis should be back soon. He had therapy a little while ago, but won’t be gone for much longer. He’s a cool guy. Was really wound up when he got here, but has really calmed down. He might actually get discharged pretty soon, the way he’s improving!”

*

Louis sat in his room smiling. Therapy had gone well; he was really getting better at managing his anxiety. In fact, it had been almost 2 weeks since his last attack! He hadn’t gone that long in years. Louis heard laughter coming from the other room. Right! There was a new guy today! His therapist had recommended that he use this new addition as sort of a test run, a way to see how he would react to new people. Quickly he fixed his hair in the mirror, making sure his fringe fell perfectly, and adjusted his glasses. Gotta make a good first impression. Smiling Louis walked into the common room, only to stop dead when he saw the sex god sitting in front of him, head tipped back in laughter. Louis heart started to race, but not in an anxious way. More of a “holyshithisboyisbeautifulbutimnotgay?” kind of way. Time seemed to slow down as the Harry noticed Louis and turned to him smiling, but still Louis couldn’t look away. Harry’s green eyes drew him in like quicksand, gorgeous, emerald quicksand.  
Something about Louis wasn’t right. He was too familiar, and it worried Harry. He was having this weird sense of déjà vu, and not in a good way. Harry couldn’t remember meeting him, but he seemed so important. Shaking his head to rid himself of this feeling, Harry stood up and offered his hand to the older boy. “Hey there, I’m Harry” he flashed Louis an award winning smile “You must be Louis, the guys were telling me about you. Glad to hear you’re doing well!” Louis took his hand still not saying anything as Harry’s voice rolled though him, giving him butterflies.  
“Hey Lou, you ok?” Ask Zayn from the couch, snapping Louis out of his trance.

“Yeah! I’m good. Sorry about that. Nice to meet you Harry! What do you say we go for dinner guys? Apparently its lasagna tonight!” This suggestion was met by a cheer by Niall, that boy could out eat anyone! The 5 of them walked together towards the cafeteria, all the groups ate together, but Louis sensed something was off. Glancing behind him, he saw Harry standing there with his head down, fists clenched and a pained look on his face.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I think this will be the last chapter :/ no one is leaving reviews or anything so....


	5. Chapter 5

The sound of tires screeching filled Harry’s ears and panic raced through him. There was nothing he could do. He couldn’t stop. Oh god. Why isn’t he stopping? He’s going to hit them. “Nooooooo!” Harry shrieked out loud, collapsing to his knees sobbing. His shoulders shook violently as his sobs racked through him. That daymare had been worse than most, it was like he was watching it from their view. He saw the car about to hit him. Is that what they saw? Is that what they saw before Harry killed her?  
“Shhhh, shhhh. It’s gonna be alright. I'm here for you. It’s going to be okay, I promise” Louis whispered, his hand gently rubbing circles between Harry’s shoulders. The younger boy took a deep breath, trying to calm himself down. Looking up, he saw piercing blue eyes staring into his own. These eyes were beautiful, but haunting. These eyes had seen a tragedy. Harry looked around to see the boys kneeling in a circle around him with matching concerned looks on their faces. Slowly Harry rose to his feet.

“I’m okay guys. I’m ok. I'm sorry about that. I'm sorry. That happens every once in a while. But I'm ok.” He offered a halfhearted smile to the guys, which wasn’t returned by any of them. 

“Are you sure you’re ok mate?” Niall questioned.  
Liam’s question came next. “Wanna talk about it?” 

“No no. Please. Can we just go to supper? I'm worried Niall is gonna pass out on us if we don’t!” The boys laughed at this and headed to the cafeteria. Niall was the only one to notice the way Louis kept has hand on Harry’s back, as if he was both protecting and guiding him.

 

“So Niall, how have you been feeling?” Yaz, Niall’s councilor, asked him gently.

“I’ve been ok. I mean, there’s not much around here to set me off. Nothing challenges me. I can give into my compulsions without any problem. Do you know what I mean?”

“You mean that when something triggers your OCD, there’s no reason for you to not give in?”

“Exactly. The guys I live with are really understanding about it. They know I need to have my chair in the cafeteria, and that my showers need to be exactly 15 minutes long. They don’t laugh at me when I stop before entering rooms or when I tap 3 times before touching anything on a surface. Basically they’re just really good guys.”

“The fact that you’re acknowledging this already shows improvement Niall. You recognize that you can’t get better without testing the limits. I think we’re going to try something new with you. How would you feel about making a small change? We want to take away your alarm clock. To see how you deal with not having the constant pressure of time.”

“Um… I guess I could try it.” Niall was visibly uncomfortable with this idea. How will I know when to wake up? How am I going to time my showers? What if I'm late?

Yaz interrupted his thoughts “Niall, we’ll take this slowly. We’re just gonna take it for one day to start. You need to confront this in order to get passed it.”

“But what if it makes things worse? Please. I don’t want to make things worse!” a single tear slid slowly over his flushed cheeks.

“How about this Niall, until I see you again next week, I want you to try just thinking about not having your clock. When you start to feel anxious about this, go through the calming techniques we’ve been working on. You remember them, right?

They talked for a few more minutes about ways Niall could help himself calm down, and how to avoid triggers, before he was excused. 

 

In the common room, Liam and Zayn we’re sitting on one of the couches in front of the tv. Some movie was playing but neither of the boys had been paying any attention. 

“Liam, I want to say thanks. Man, you have been awesome to me since you got here. Like actually, you’re just a really cool guy” The two boys had been growing closer and closer since that first night. They spent so much time together, people were starting to wonder what was really going on. But not even they knew. Liam couldn’t deny that he has really strong feelings for Zayn, but he couldn’t tell what the feelings were.

“Nah man, don’t worry about it. You’re awesome! I’m actually really glad we ended up in this group together! So, what do you think of Harry?” Liam rushed to change the subject, he didn’t want to accidently mess things up with Zayn by gushing about him too much. After all, he didn’t even know if Zayn was gay. Wait. Am I gay? I like girls. I think? But Zayn gives me butterflies. Liam, no. You don’t like guys. Liking guys is gay. You’re not gay. Your parents would die if they had any idea what you were thinking right now. Do you really want to disappoint your parents again? Look where that ended you up last time. Here. Do you really want to stay here? Zayn is here though, and Zayn is my best friend. Or are we more than friends? Liam. Being gay is a sin. You are going to hell if you like boys. Youre parents used to be so proud of you.

“Liam, you ok?” Zayn asked. He had answered Liam’s question, but the other boy didn’t seem to be paying attention at all.

“Zayn, can you just fuck off?” Liam jumped off the couch in anger. “For fucks sake, do you ever shut up. And could you being sitting any closer to me?” He turned to head to his bedroom, but not before he saw the hurt expression on Zayn’s face. “Fucking homo.” Liam muttered under his breath as he left the room.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please leave a review! Your reviews are what keep me writing!


	6. Chapter 6

It was Harry that found Zayn a few hours later. He was sitting on his bathroom floor in nothing but his boxers. Zayn had his head in his hands and was shaking. 

“Whoa whoa whoa, what’s wrong man?” Harry asked, rushing to kneel in front of Zayn, kicking away a broken, serrated toothbrush in the process. It was then that he saw the marks, the jagged cuts all up and down his arms. Some were starting to scab over already, but many of them we’re still dripping blood all over Zayn’s muscular forearms and onto the floor. The amount of blood was horrifying. It looked like it never stopped, like Zayn was just going to bleed forever and ever. Without saying anything Harry grabbed a wet cloth from the sink and gently started to wash away as much blood as he could. “You’re gonna be ok man, I got this. It’s all gonna get better. I don’t know what happened, but you’re gonna be ok. Everything is gonna be ok, I'm gonna clean up this mess, and bandage you up. We don’t even need to tell the nurses, this will be between you and I. Zayn, you’re a really cool guy, and all the guys here like you. You’re awesome to be around. You’re gonna be ok. I mean it man, you’re gonna get through this. I’ll help you, we can do this. ” Harry was rambling, he knew he was rambling. But he just wanted to distract the poor boy shivering in front of him. He had most of the blood cleaned up, but looking around, he couldn’t find anything to use as bandages. Fuck it. Harry pulled his dark blue t shirt over his head and started to tear it into strips. Thankfully, the cuts weren’t too deep. They were hardly bleeding at all anymore. Quickly Harry bandaged up the cuts as best he could. At least it was stopping the blood. Harry couldn’t imagine how much pain Zayn must be in right now, both emotionally and physically. How bad do you have to feel to do this to yourself? He sighed and leaned up against the same wall as Zayn. The two boys sat in silence for what seemed like hours. Zayn had stopped crying and was now just staring at the floor with a glazed look in his eyes.

“It started when I was 15. I knew something was different about me.” His voice hardly louder than a whisper, Zayn started to talk. “I wasn’t hitting on girls, like my friends were. Girls just didn’t interest me, although I tried. God damn it, I tried. I slept with this girl when I was 16. Well, at least I tried to. I tried so hard to keep it up. But I couldn’t. The girl ended up leaving in tears; she thought it was her fault. But she told everyone. Told all of my friends how Zayn Malik couldn’t keep it up when he was about to score. That was the beginning of it. I was teased and bullied for months. Eventually they stopped caring. They had better things to worry about than the quiet gay boy. Things we’re going well. I actually had a boyfriend, and a few friends. Then there we’re some bombings in another state. They said it was my fault. They said that because I was fucking brown, it had to be my fault. I was beaten almost every day. They would wait for me outside my house in the morning, and again afterschool. I couldn’t get away. There we’re too many of them.” Tears started streaming down his face “I stopped fighting them. I couldn’t win, so I would just lay there as they would kick me and punch me until they lost interest. Then one day, I looked up. And realized my boyfriend was one of them. They boy I thought I loved was now kicking my in the ribs. That was also the day that I went home and tried to kill myself. I drank a bunch of bleach, and then passed out. It was my little sister that found me. My parents managed to get me to the hospital in time for them to pump my stomach. My through and stomach had horrible chemical burns. I was there for weeks, until they had healed enough for me to eat again. Then I came here. And met Liam. Fuck Liam. I though, I thought he was the one. Then today, he fucking lost it on me, called me a fucking homo…” 

Harry gasped out loud. That’s what this was all about, Liam had rejected Zayn. Harry gently pulled the other boy into his lap. “Shhhh, shhh. It’s gonna be okay baby. It’s gonna be ok” Harry gently combed his fingers through Zayn hair, trying to sooth him. Harry made a point to remember that he needed to talk to Liam tomorrow. Figure out what had happened. Zayn and Liam had seemed so close. He couldn’t imagine Liam doing something like this. But they we’re all messed up here, weren’t they? Everyone in this fucked up place was fucked up. Eventually Zayn cried himself to sleep, and the two boys spent the night there. Curled up together on the cold bathroom floor.

When Zayn woke up in the morning he was tucked up in his bed and Harry was nowhere to be seen. He stretch, and winced, as the bandages rubbed against the still raw skin. Just like that, all the emotion of yesterday came pouring back. Holding back tears, Zayn quickly showered, the hot water scalding his skin. Getting dressed in jeans and a long sleeve shirt, to hide the cuts, he mentally prepared himself to face the other guys. He would much rather spend the day in here drawing, but he knew the councilors would get suspicious if he wasn’t seen with the other boys. Hearing a knock on the door, Zayn assumed it was Harry and called for the person to come in. But when he turned around, it was Liam standing in his doorway.

“Zayn, I am so so sorry. I don’t know what came over me. It was one of those moments. You know?” Liam rushed towards Zayn, arms open to hug him.

“Don’t touch me. “

“Zayn, you don’t understand. That was… the other guy. Not me!”

“Ha. I'm pretty sure it was you that called me a homo last night!”

“You know I'm bipolar Zayn, I didn’t mean it. I promise! I would never say something like that to you.” 

“Are you kidding me Liam?! Do you know what that did to me. Do you know how much that hurt?” Zayn pulled up his sleeves, bearing his forearms to Liam. “This is how much it hurt me. This is what you did to me.”

“Oh god baby. Oh god I am so sorry.” Liam quickly pulled Zayn into a tight hug, feeling Zayn tense in his arms. “I’m so sorry. I’ll make it up to you, I promise” Taking a step back, he looked into Zayn’s eyes. They weren’t the eyes of someone willing to forgive.

Fuck fuck fuck. This wasn’t going as planned. He needed to convince Zayn that he was sorry. That he cared about him more than he could imagine.

Without hesitating, Liam stepped forward and placed a kiss on a very shocked Zayn’s lips.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please critique it and leave a review!


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know this chapter is awful and short, but i had the WORST writers block! I promise the next update will be much better

Harry was dozing off on the couch when he felt someone sit next to him. 

“Didn’t sleep well last night?” Came the distinctive voice of Louis Tomlinson, the voice of the boy that game him déjà vu in the worst way. Something about Louis gave him the chills. Like he had known this boy in a past life, and they hadn’t gotten along. Harry had talked to his councilor about this, and they suggested that he take the time to get to know Louis, than maybe he could get rid of this feeling. 

“Between Zayn and my nightmares, I'm not sure if I slept at all” Harry replied without opening his eyes.

“What happened with Zayn? Is he okay?”

“Are any of us in here okay?” He sat up and stretched his arms about his head. Looking over, Harry saw Louis curled up on the other side of the couch, watching him intently. Something about those blue eyes made his stomach turn. Quickly he dropped his gaze to the floor. “But yeah, I think he’ll be fine, eventually.”

“Good good. So what were your nightmares about?”

He was happy. He had a new car; he could get out of his parent’s house. Harry was happy. But then they were there. The people he had hit. The mother he had killed. They were standing in front of him, but he couldn’t see their faces, they were blank, like something out of a horror movie. Just shaking their heads as Harry screamed at them. “I'm sorry ok! It was an accident! I didn’t mean to hit you! I'm so sorry, I am so fucking sorry.” He wanted so badly for them to acknowledge that he was sorry, but his voice was drowned out by the sound of screeching tires.

“Harry, Harry! Are you ok?” 

Harry could hardly hear Louis voice over the sound of his own sobbing. He took a deep, shaky breath and tried to compose himself. Its ok, it was just a daymare, it’s gonna be ok. The feel of Louis rubbing gently circles on his back helped, and slowly Harry uncurled himself. He offered Louis a weak smile,

“Sorry man. You didn’t need to see that again. You seem to always be here for me when I have another episode. Thank Louis, it means a lot” Harry’s voice trailed off as he saw the faint smile playing on Louis face. “What’s so funny?!”  
“Well, next time you want me to leave you alone so you can sleep, maybe let me know in a less dramatic way!”

The boys both laughed at this, and Louis helped Harry to his feet. He knew that Harry would talk to him about it when he was ready, and he wasn’t gonna push it. Didn’t want to send Harry into another episode. “Come on, Niall should be out of the shower by now, and I'm ready for breakfast.”

A knock on the door is what finally separated Liam and Zayn. Anger, then surprise, and finally happiness crossed over Zayn’s face, mirroring that on Liam’s.

“Zayn, you coming for breakfast?” Niall’s voice called out.

“Yeah, I’ll be right out!” Zayn called back. “I guess we’ll talk later?” Liam nodded, and quickly placed a soft kiss on the corner of Zayn’s lips.

“Do you wanna leave first, and I’ll sneak out after?” Agreeing, Zayn left the room, leaving Liam in silence.  
He did it, Liam had kissed Zayn. And Zayn had kissed him back. Trying to contain his massive grin, Liam left the room to join the other boys.


End file.
